Someone shit on the floor
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
