i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
