My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize