I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
