Small penises have feelings too.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
