I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
