I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
