I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Randomize
