You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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