Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
