We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
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He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
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You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
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