Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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