Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize