Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
