I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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