So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
