i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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