TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
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