Just cropdusted the office
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
