Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize