Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
