My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
