I need to stop coming to work sober
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
