Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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