This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
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Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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