I seem to have left my pride at pride
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
