shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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