There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
