Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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