They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
