hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
