Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
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My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
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We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize