In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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