I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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