I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
