Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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