its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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