I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
