god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come see our sink grown plant.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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