It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
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so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
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I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
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