I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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