I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
