New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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