I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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