Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
