I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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