well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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