You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
