you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
