So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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