white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
