That's intense
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
