the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
