u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
