is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
