Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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